BIG TIPS
I live in a small town.
How do I meet people?
by M.T. “the Big Tipper” Martone
Here's what I'm saying: If you have a dog, make sure her tags are always on her collar. And if you have a friend who stays out late at night, say, at the computer center of a large state university, make sure you know just how late she means when she says, "I'll be working late."
Within the past four days, my hair had been so regularly set on end, I'll never need a root perm. Then the building next to the one in which I work burned down. No one, knock on my wooden head, got hurt or was permanently lost, but it reminds me to take care of business. Replace the batteries in your smoke alarms, okay?
Dear Big Tipper,
I've been single for over three years. The first year by choice, but the last two and a half have been pretty lonely at times.
A year ago I had to give up my driver's license due to a visual impairment. I live in a pretty small town, an hour and a half from any city, so I feel like I'm never going to meet
anyone.
Also in the past year I became friends with my ex, and I think I still have feelings for her, which are one sided. When I really start to think about it, I think I have feelings for her because I don't think I'll ever meet anyone else. Any suggestions?
Dear Small Town Girl,
So Far Away
It's tough when you feel like you're never going to connect again. I know I've had times when I felt like I had a cushion of air around me that no one would ever step into, even just for an intimate conversation.
Since you feel like enough time has passed and it's time to find someone again, play the numbers game and try to connect with as many people as possible, because if they're not right, they may have a friend who is.
If you think you're having feelings for your ex because you think you'll never meet anyone else, then that's what's going on, but it's great that you're friends with her, because she's probably a lesbian, and now you have an entree to her social circle. If you think it's weird to go out with a friend of you former hon, the International Board of Lesbian Ethics may have to rescind your credentials. Sometimes a woman's gotta do what a woman's gotta do.
Here are some other ways to hook up with gals:
Try calling any lesbian resources in the closest city. They can be a hub for resources in outlying towns.
Lots of rural and far-flung women connect through contact publications, like Lesbian Connection, P.O. Box 811, East Lansing, Mich. 48826; 517-371-5257. This is a free nationwide newsletter for, by, and about lesbians. It's a classic, and makes you feel like you're in the thick of any and all lesbian issues and dramas.
Speaking of being on-line, if you have a computer, many women have socialized and met each other "sur le web."
If your taste in publications leans toward the funky and homespun (as opposed to those
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oh-so-glossy lesbian rags), check out Factsheet Five. This is a review magazine that lists thousands of zines, many by isolated folks, tons by queers, even more by gals. Factsheet Five subscriptions, P.O. Box 170099, San Francisco, Cal. 94117-0099. Send $6.00 for a sample issue.
Plus, you might want to check out Hikane: The Capable Womon, P.O. Box 841, Great Barrington, Mass. 01230; a magazine for lesbians with disabilities.
While you're casting your bread upon the waters, don't forget to enjoy your friends, make a lot of Rice Krispies squares, and get a good vibrator. Bon chance, sister.
Dear Big Tipper,
I have a wonderful boyfriend, and for the first time in my life, I feel like I know what it means to be in love. He had met me several years ago, and had a crush on me and pursued me, lucky me! He's more handsome than I ever would have believed any man could be, and he loves me! Every day I feel lucky and honored to have been chosen. It's only been about four months, but we seem to be communicating well, the sex is incredible, and we've both expressed a wish to be together for a while.
My problem's not a big one, but it exists. I'm a real talker, and rarely feel stuck for words, but when I'm with him, it's hard for me to tell him how I feel about him. I say I love him, and that I'm in love with him, which is very true, but I feel like I'm using someone else's words to explain a very individual, precious feeling. Also, since I love him, sometimes I feel like saying that and giving him a big kiss, but sometimes the feelings I have for him are so delicate and complex, I don't want to smother the truth of those feelings with general words, or any words at all.
Sometimes I even have to be away from him for a day to feel that light happiness, since when I'm with him, my happiness is so physical and overwhelming. Sometimes I feel like he's actually changing me, that I'm melting very slowly and becoming more of who I really am, and who I am meant to be. He makes me want to be a better person. Is this bad that I can't express all these feelings at the same time, and explain to him all the ways I feel? Do I need a Cyrano de Bergerac to speak for me?
Dear Roget,
Struck Dumb
Sweetie, you did wonderfully expressing yourself on paper. If you don't want to just show him this column, write him a letter. Congratulations, it sounds like you've got a good thing going on.
Want to get some advice in real time? I cohost Savage Love Live, a weekly call-in radio sex advice program, and we're broadcasting live on the Internet. Check out the site: www.savageonline.com.
Meanwhile, please keep sending your burning questions on life and love to M.T. Martone, care of the Chronicle, P.O. Box 5426, Cleveland 44101, or fax to 216631-1052, or e-mail to martone @drizzle.com.
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